So...He had to attend another Ramp Ceremony today....Another Death...
FUCK!
Talk about slowly killing every ounce of human emotion left in my boyfriend :(
I can't stand to see him like this....he looks like me...Like he might break soon...I want to be strong for him sssoooo bad!! WHY CAN'T I BE STRONG?!?!?! I know I need to be his crutch right now...he is dealing with so much bullshit....but I feel so weak...not worthy of this right now...
Every Canadian soldier death is so personal now...I cry everytime I hear bag pipes (and you'd think I wouldn't hear them very often...WELL who's boss' husband plays bag pipes?!?! MINE UUUGGGHHHH!!!!!)
Why does he have to be surrounded by so much Death and grief? Surrounded by 'Macho Men' crying because they just witnessed a complete stranger blowing up their best friend!
Especially when I'm not around to hug him....just hold him...
I know how strong he is...but even I know he needs a hug....FUCK...WHAT NORMAL HUMAN BEING CAN GO THROUGH THIS?!?!
I want to protect him so bad....so damn bad....so so so so bad...
No more deaths...no more grief...no more lonely nights...sleeping on a cot that isn't even long enough...watching his fellow soldiers cry from the deepest depths of their crushed souls...working abnormal hours....7 days a week...no r&r's....no vacation time...Having to listen to his girlfriend cry everytime he calls....
I need to be strong...and I'm not strong enough for him...I need to protect him....I just need to protect him....Let me hold the poor guy....please....
Thursday, November 30, 2006
THIS IS HIM IN THE 'GHAN!!
Well here is some background info...Trevor is 6'7". Now try guessing which one he is in these pictures from Afghanistan...
HE IS SO SEXY....*tehehehe*...I just wish the damn military would do the right thing for once and give these well deserving soldiers their HLTA and then I would have Trevor home for Christmas time :D for like two weeks!! But...that's not going to happen...:(....OH BUT I CAN KEEP HOPING :D
I love you so much Baby...Come Home when you come home...I'll be here...I promise...
Should I?
So I just finished talking to the boyfriend in the Sandbox...guess what?! I SAW HIM ON WEBCAM AND HOLY SHIT DOES HE LOOK GGGOOOODDDDD!!!!! WOW!!! I haven't been this happy in a llooonnggg time!!!
But here's the connundrum...Do I get my hopes up in the case they might GET SERIOULSY crushed...or should I remain neutral after hearing this most incredible news??? What's the news you ask? HE TELLS ME HE PROBABLY WONT BE RESIGNING HIS CONTRACT! OMG!!! I DON"T GIVE A SHIT IF MY HOPES COULD BE CRUSHED....I think I deserve a few weeks of Eternal BLISS!!! WOOT WOOT!!! This calls for an out right HAPPY DANCE!!!
Now...now it's the waiting...and the missing....and the loving...and the crying....and the laughing...and the waiting for the phone calls...and the no sleeping as I wait for his name to pop up on my msn screen...But am I happy right now? YES...DOWN RIGHT EXTATIC...He is gorgeous...and incredible...and loving...and perfect...and I SAW HIM!!!
And here comes me rant....As you know by now...I just had my wisdom teeth taken out a few days ago...I was unaware of this surgery before Trevor left...therefore I was upset when I knew I'd be going through surgery while he was gone...oh well...it wasn't too bad...BUT I JINXED MYSELF...I said to my mom when I got out of the surgery that I bet you anything the hospital will call and tell me that I've been bumped up the 9 month waiting list for tonsil removal and that I will be getting them out while the boyfriend is still gone....Well.....SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT....
Who called while I was on webcam with the guy?! None other than the lovely hospital...And when am I getting my tonsils removed? A month and a half before my guy comes home...Wooopppiieee....Don't I feel delighted...especially after seeing his face when I told him...he looked so defeated...he tried to make my laugh about it...but I could see his disappointment...Shit....
Well....looks like a few more rants will be coming your way oh Faithful Readers ;) tehehehe
But here's the connundrum...Do I get my hopes up in the case they might GET SERIOULSY crushed...or should I remain neutral after hearing this most incredible news??? What's the news you ask? HE TELLS ME HE PROBABLY WONT BE RESIGNING HIS CONTRACT! OMG!!! I DON"T GIVE A SHIT IF MY HOPES COULD BE CRUSHED....I think I deserve a few weeks of Eternal BLISS!!! WOOT WOOT!!! This calls for an out right HAPPY DANCE!!!
Now...now it's the waiting...and the missing....and the loving...and the crying....and the laughing...and the waiting for the phone calls...and the no sleeping as I wait for his name to pop up on my msn screen...But am I happy right now? YES...DOWN RIGHT EXTATIC...He is gorgeous...and incredible...and loving...and perfect...and I SAW HIM!!!
And here comes me rant....As you know by now...I just had my wisdom teeth taken out a few days ago...I was unaware of this surgery before Trevor left...therefore I was upset when I knew I'd be going through surgery while he was gone...oh well...it wasn't too bad...BUT I JINXED MYSELF...I said to my mom when I got out of the surgery that I bet you anything the hospital will call and tell me that I've been bumped up the 9 month waiting list for tonsil removal and that I will be getting them out while the boyfriend is still gone....Well.....SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT....
Who called while I was on webcam with the guy?! None other than the lovely hospital...And when am I getting my tonsils removed? A month and a half before my guy comes home...Wooopppiieee....Don't I feel delighted...especially after seeing his face when I told him...he looked so defeated...he tried to make my laugh about it...but I could see his disappointment...Shit....
Well....looks like a few more rants will be coming your way oh Faithful Readers ;) tehehehe
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Signs?
Sorry...can't sleep tonight :P
I need to ask you all something....Do Canadian's walk around with big flashing neon signs that say, "I Love Spoon Fed Propoganda...Please Sir, Can I Have Som'ore?" ?!?!?!
This is my favourite quote from our New billion dollar waster....
Commercials stating, "The Fighting Continues, So Freedom Can!"
WOW...REALLY?!?! I had no idea that us fighting the American's war over ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD would help continue the freedom we enjoy here in Canada. Or correct me if I'm wrong...but that statement can't possibly include the idea of freedom in Afghanistan.
They never had freedom....right? So How can this statement possibly mean that our Canadians continue to fight and Die to "CONTINUE" the freedom in Afghanistan...um....hello....WRONG WORD...and US fighting OVER THERE will not continue our freedom...in fact it doesn't really affect our freedom at all.
I have all the respect and support for our troops fighting over there....I have to be honest in saying that I have NO IDEA what they do there day to day...and I EVEN HAVE A LOVED ONE FIGHTING there....isn't it sad...So many people seem to "KNOW" what goes on over there...and they all have such strong opinions about it...But Even I don't know what's really happening over there...and if you think you do because you watch the news...you are sadly mistaken....Because apparently we all have a "sign".
(Sorry....that was a very heated rant :(...I'm tired and my family wont stop righting about the war...and I bet what I all said didn't even make sense lol...I'll post an spology tomorrow...)
I need to ask you all something....Do Canadian's walk around with big flashing neon signs that say, "I Love Spoon Fed Propoganda...Please Sir, Can I Have Som'ore?" ?!?!?!
This is my favourite quote from our New billion dollar waster....
Commercials stating, "The Fighting Continues, So Freedom Can!"
WOW...REALLY?!?! I had no idea that us fighting the American's war over ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD would help continue the freedom we enjoy here in Canada. Or correct me if I'm wrong...but that statement can't possibly include the idea of freedom in Afghanistan.
They never had freedom....right? So How can this statement possibly mean that our Canadians continue to fight and Die to "CONTINUE" the freedom in Afghanistan...um....hello....WRONG WORD...and US fighting OVER THERE will not continue our freedom...in fact it doesn't really affect our freedom at all.
I have all the respect and support for our troops fighting over there....I have to be honest in saying that I have NO IDEA what they do there day to day...and I EVEN HAVE A LOVED ONE FIGHTING there....isn't it sad...So many people seem to "KNOW" what goes on over there...and they all have such strong opinions about it...But Even I don't know what's really happening over there...and if you think you do because you watch the news...you are sadly mistaken....Because apparently we all have a "sign".
(Sorry....that was a very heated rant :(...I'm tired and my family wont stop righting about the war...and I bet what I all said didn't even make sense lol...I'll post an spology tomorrow...)
Me...Well....Some of me
So Maybe I should have started from the beginning...Usually I don't get all angry and sweary and that kind of jazz, but lately life seems to be cheering me on...taunting me....asking me to rant...LOL...So I started this blog. It all started with My boyfriend's older Brother, he had this awesome blog on this site (Xiolo's Space). He posted a picture of my boyfriend in Afghanistan on his site...and I wanted to do the same kind of thing :D. You see as much as I am lost in my thoughts to how I should feel about him being gone, I am extremely proud of him and what he does everyday to appease our country. Okay...see I'm going off on a rant already lol...Let me explain me life to you...or try to....
I grew up in a small town...Then I moved into the city. My opa fought in Word War II and war was never discussed in our family. You see, my Opa was held in a concentration camp for several years...Our family was not allowed to talk about the war...about war...about guns...knives...or any sort of violence. Don't get me wrong...our Family is very well educated in the happenings of the world, but I guess you can say it is extremely easy to feel dissociated from the "real feelings" of war. Guns were not allowed in the house and neither were any sort of weapon. Then....Then I met the man of my life, I never thought he would be in the military and have a "slight" obsession with guns and knifes *cough* slight *cough* LOL! You might wonder what my first question was to him on our first date...it went like this, "Are you planning on going on any tours any time soon?" and his answer was honest (from what he knew at the time) and he said, "Not until Jan of '08...And if I don't resign my contract I wont be going." Well didn't I feel great! I meet this INCREDIBLY good looking guy and I had A GOOD two years with him before all hell might break loose...until a month and a half later...all hell did break loose...And I now officially have a boyfriend living on the base in Afghanistan. We've been together for 5 months...and I know I want to marry this perfect guy, but do you want to know the truth? We have been together for 5 months...and have only really been TOGETHER (in the presence of each other) for 2 months. By the time he gets home, we'll have been together for 8+ months...and have only been TOGETHER for 2. This is the start of my story...
Never forget (in between all my teary rants and swearing, angry posts) that I am desperately in love with him and couldn't leave him if I tried.... If you can understand that....
I grew up in a small town...Then I moved into the city. My opa fought in Word War II and war was never discussed in our family. You see, my Opa was held in a concentration camp for several years...Our family was not allowed to talk about the war...about war...about guns...knives...or any sort of violence. Don't get me wrong...our Family is very well educated in the happenings of the world, but I guess you can say it is extremely easy to feel dissociated from the "real feelings" of war. Guns were not allowed in the house and neither were any sort of weapon. Then....Then I met the man of my life, I never thought he would be in the military and have a "slight" obsession with guns and knifes *cough* slight *cough* LOL! You might wonder what my first question was to him on our first date...it went like this, "Are you planning on going on any tours any time soon?" and his answer was honest (from what he knew at the time) and he said, "Not until Jan of '08...And if I don't resign my contract I wont be going." Well didn't I feel great! I meet this INCREDIBLY good looking guy and I had A GOOD two years with him before all hell might break loose...until a month and a half later...all hell did break loose...And I now officially have a boyfriend living on the base in Afghanistan. We've been together for 5 months...and I know I want to marry this perfect guy, but do you want to know the truth? We have been together for 5 months...and have only really been TOGETHER (in the presence of each other) for 2 months. By the time he gets home, we'll have been together for 8+ months...and have only been TOGETHER for 2. This is the start of my story...
Never forget (in between all my teary rants and swearing, angry posts) that I am desperately in love with him and couldn't leave him if I tried.... If you can understand that....
How to start...??
Okay...I don't know where to start...let's start with my day today (oh what a day) and then I will start from the beginning...Here goes...
Who the hell calls for tech support at 5pm on a Wednesday work day and asks the sales lady to personally call the tech support lady (who is me by the way...AT HOME WITH A YELLOW/PURPLE FACE FROM HER RECENT WISDOM TEETH REMOVAL!!!) and ask her to basically do contract work FOR FREE to help this assinine lady who left her project to the last minute! She is, by the way, using a trial disc to do this project...which is DUE TOMORROW...and called today at 5pm asking to have ME PERSONALLY FINISH HER DAM N PROJECT FOR HER...because , as she threatens, "I will not buy your software if my client tomorrow does not like my finished project" WHICH SHE HAS NOT FINISHED AND CALLED ADN ASKED ME TO DO IT FOR HER AND IT IS 9:30PM THE NIGHT BEFORE and I am slowly watching the screen go... 33%...34%.....35%....36% BECAUSE I DON"T EVEN HAVE THE VERSION OF THE DAMN SOFTWARE SHE USES ON MY COMPUTER YET!!! AAGGHHHHHHHH So......Where do I start?
I will post a new blog explaining my life in a few short moments....after finishing this lady's project and hanging myself from my back deck's roof. I know only My boyfriend and his brother's will read this blog site...but damn it! I LOVE TO RANT...because right now...it is the only thing that keeps me sane... and boy do I love to laugh about my shitty shitty moments in life :D
Who the hell calls for tech support at 5pm on a Wednesday work day and asks the sales lady to personally call the tech support lady (who is me by the way...AT HOME WITH A YELLOW/PURPLE FACE FROM HER RECENT WISDOM TEETH REMOVAL!!!) and ask her to basically do contract work FOR FREE to help this assinine lady who left her project to the last minute! She is, by the way, using a trial disc to do this project...which is DUE TOMORROW...and called today at 5pm asking to have ME PERSONALLY FINISH HER DAM N PROJECT FOR HER...because , as she threatens, "I will not buy your software if my client tomorrow does not like my finished project" WHICH SHE HAS NOT FINISHED AND CALLED ADN ASKED ME TO DO IT FOR HER AND IT IS 9:30PM THE NIGHT BEFORE and I am slowly watching the screen go... 33%...34%.....35%....36% BECAUSE I DON"T EVEN HAVE THE VERSION OF THE DAMN SOFTWARE SHE USES ON MY COMPUTER YET!!! AAGGHHHHHHHH So......Where do I start?
I will post a new blog explaining my life in a few short moments....after finishing this lady's project and hanging myself from my back deck's roof. I know only My boyfriend and his brother's will read this blog site...but damn it! I LOVE TO RANT...because right now...it is the only thing that keeps me sane... and boy do I love to laugh about my shitty shitty moments in life :D
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