Another Ramp Ceremony

So...He had to attend another Ramp Ceremony today....Another Death...
FUCK!
Talk about slowly killing every ounce of human emotion left in my boyfriend :(
I can't stand to see him like this....he looks like me...Like he might break soon...I want to be strong for him sssoooo bad!! WHY CAN'T I BE STRONG?!?!?! I know I need to be his crutch right now...he is dealing with so much bullshit....but I feel so weak...not worthy of this right now...
Every Canadian soldier death is so personal now...I cry everytime I hear bag pipes (and you'd think I wouldn't hear them very often...WELL who's boss' husband plays bag pipes?!?! MINE UUUGGGHHHH!!!!!)
Why does he have to be surrounded by so much Death and grief? Surrounded by 'Macho Men' crying because they just witnessed a complete stranger blowing up their best friend!
Especially when I'm not around to hug him....just hold him...
I know how strong he is...but even I know he needs a hug....FUCK...WHAT NORMAL HUMAN BEING CAN GO THROUGH THIS?!?!
I want to protect him so bad....so damn bad....so so so so bad...
No more deaths...no more grief...no more lonely nights...sleeping on a cot that isn't even long enough...watching his fellow soldiers cry from the deepest depths of their crushed souls...working abnormal hours....7 days a week...no r&r's....no vacation time...Having to listen to his girlfriend cry everytime he calls....
I need to be strong...and I'm not strong enough for him...I need to protect him....I just need to protect him....Let me hold the poor guy....please....